The Winners train

Where is this train taking me?

I closed my eyes to drift to sleep

Some passengers advised me that

For numbness they said

Their pains must have been petiter than mine

Because mine were unnumbable as I closed my eyes

My fear fed them larger and I only woke up in the darkness wondering

Where is this train taking me?

I felt thirsty and there was this fear of urgency in me that I might die in this very moment as stranger among strangers

Searched for the windows

The night sky is always beautiful, it lay outside the bounds of the small carriage

And I was only a little man

To stop it

Only a little man

I was about to start worrying again but I quickly became busy with all

those little things that make life’s mountain

Things that bite away those ticks and the tocks and finds you the night you are a sleeper

A dreamer?

So I became busy with them all.

What was the time?

Are my friends… on board, my mother’s smell and my father’s eyes

My life who betrayed me through the people I chose

And the office

That blind jail of a chair that I volunteered myself into

Into this life I think

To get me where I am.

Where am I?

I am knowhere. In a state of perpetual motion one can only have velocity and direction.

things rather hard to make out with all those other questions about what was that answer Cameron gave 3 weeks ago that I was unsure about and did the woman I call “true love” really ever loved me?

The valleys grew and as those little thoughts of a little man kept me busy I thought of the news. What was on it yesterday? I grew anxious.

Like an impatient passenger in the slowest train on earth.

I live in this constant state of urgency

It must be this ride

I am running a marathon every second of my life, and even though the thought of living another second like this feels unbearable I can’t imagine what I would be if I gave up. Who would I be like?

I look outside.

All these things that I have missed. Bloody train.

the question grew silent.

I thought about those days at uni. I wish I was a better man. I could have always given more but something always stopped me.

Getting to the top is never easy is it? What a smile.

What a proud smile that is.

A little boy woke up next to me as the ticket man’s silluete approached.

“I am sorry sir but…

where are we going?”

Oh this is the “winner’s train” my friend. 
said the ticket man.

Then he came up close and threatened. Are you on board with us sir?

Because if not…

we approached the night valleys and the singing oaks

the silence whispered through the creaks of the windows

Are you on board with us sir?

I searched my pockets

I gave him every penny I had

In exchange for a ticket

for one expensive ticket.

For the “winner’s train”